Transparent Moment: People don’t know the struggle of trying to survive your own thoughts. Today was one of those days where I thought about ending it all. I sit out by the water everyday and thoughts of driving off the cliff hits me a lot. My circumstances is very overwhelming. I try hard to trust God but it’s not easy. Whenever my kids or my mom needs something I don’t have it, it bothers the fuck out of me. There are days I don’t eat or shower, and that bothers me. It’s hard to share things like this with folks because I always get the toxic positivity so I just tend to stay to myself. Yes, life is hard. People see me on tv and think that my life is good, trust me, it’s not. I fight demons everyday. I fight not to drink. I fight hard not to harm myself. People think that me sharing my struggles on social media is to gain attention, but what they don’t understand is, I’m hurting, I’m in pain, and I don’t know what to do. I’ve tried therapy, I’ve tried church, I’ve trusted people, and it’s gotten me nowhere. I battle with a lot. I’m asking for prayer and support. If you don’t understand, if you’ve never been through this type of pain, or maybe you have and you just don’t want to admit it, please leave me alone. Yes I’m a black man, but I’m human. Even though I was taught to be tough, not to cry, not to show emotions, I was taught to suck it up, man up, don’t cry, at the end of the day, I can’t. I’m struggling and I can’t keep putting it off like I’m not. And if your first thought after reading this is “he’s seeking attention” “here he go again” “ain’t nothing wrong him”, fuck you! #LetThatMarinate