I thought endo surgery was going to change it all but all I've done is go downhill since then. My inflamation markers have doubled, on steroids every other week with a horrible 25kg weight gain, often unable to walk or function as I use to. Sometimes I close my eyes driving on the highway sun on my face and I dream of crashing into a car. I think if this could all just end while in the sun and feeling at peace, it would maybe be an okay way to go.