I’ve probably logged over over a thousand hours on these… some of these pieces I threw back in July of 2023! My neurospicy brain has to glaze/decorate them over and over in my mind before I ever actually take a brush to them. I can’t count how many times I’ve just sat there staring off into the distance stuck in “buffering” mode/decision paralysis. That ever present fear of imperfection and failing drags me down and kills my creativity. I know I talk about it a lot, but this pottery journey has really helped me appreciate failure. My entire life as an undiagnosed AuDHDer was filled with so much anxiety and shame, and I placed so much emphasis on only showing the world things I did “perfectly”. I worked so hard and never showed how much time/energy/sweat/blood/tears went into my “perfect” facade. I’ve had so many people tell me their first impression of me was that I lived the dream life: exciting adventures, dream job, best at anything I tried, perfect relationship, beautiful home, total confidence… everything came so easy to me. The thing is, all of that was a fancy veneer hiding the the constant self-doubt, crippling anxiety that at any moment it would all be taken away, fear of failure, fear of judgment, fear of rejection, sleepless nights, painful physical disabilities and brutal burnouts. I worked so hard to make it look effortless, because that’s what I was taught to do. Fake it till you make it, right? Except, I never “made” it. There was no light at the end of the tunnel. I was white-knuckling my way through life and had no idea it could be done any other way. Making pottery has been a beautiful, healing lesson in failure. If you go into it trying to be perfect, all you will ever do is limited to repeating the one thing you got right that one time (and more often than not failing at that). In pottery, and in life, failure is how you learn🤯. Failure is not a bad thing. Failure shows one way a thing doesn’t work, but leads you to find multiple other ways it can work. Failure is pushing boundaries and seeing where the true limits lie. Going into a creative process looking forward to failure opens up a world of possibilities. All that to say, it took 7 months (mostly in my head) to finally map out what I wanted to do with these pieces. I had many false starts, but spent close to 25 hours in the past 5 days actually executing on those ideas. I have a picture in my mind how I want these to turn out, however with clay, chemistry, and the kiln gods, you never know what you will actually get. I guess we’ll see in a few days.

I was not prepared…

Replying to @Spookernut look at those fluffy 🍑! I’m sorry I can’t take your call right now, I’m walking my floofs! I seriously almost got out of my car, but settled for slightly less unhinged creepy rando filming from a distance 😅. #llamadrama #dramallama #alpacasoftiktok #floof #floofs #floofy #itssofluffyimgunnadie #canipetyourcow #canipetyourllama #canipetyouralpaca #fluffycows #fluffycow #thisainttexas #farmlife #countryliving #greenacres #citygirlgonecountry

When you pull over to answer a work email that’s time sensitive and realize someone else is living the life you never knew you wanted until that very moment! #llama #alpaca #llamas #alpacas #livingthedream #whamievendoingwithmylife #ipickthat #thelifeiwant #farmlife #alpacamybags #randomthings #whatishappeningrightnow #want #nothingtoseehere #ithinkilikethislittlelife

But here’s a bubble heart in my Hot Cinnamon Spice Tea from @Harney & Sons Fine Teas that tastes like Good Earth Sweet & Spicy Tea used to taste before they changed their recipe! #teadrinker #cinnamon #cinnamontea #sweetandspicy #goodearth #harneyandsons #teadupes #bubbleheart #heartart #teaart #teaheart