I keep falling into this thing where I feel like I’m supposed to “grow up”. And everything starts to feel so serious…and I try to calculate whether everything I’m doing is right/wrong in an exhausting and incessant stream. But sometimes I remember… [insert earth zooming out meme 🌎], and a wave of relief washes over me. Oh yeah…it’s not that serious. Oh yeah…things are fine. Oh yeah…I’m trying my best. I remember the sun and the flowers, skateboarding with my best friend on Saturdays, a stranger asking if he can meditate with me at the park and talking for an hour after, my apartment that never seems to be “totally” organized, my family, beautiful dinners with my partner… And an immense wave of gratitude washes over me. This is enough. This is more than enough. This is beyond perfection. I could (and do) cry. What more could I ask for? I think the idea of “growing up” might be the stupidest thing I ever internalized. That something is “wrong” now but if I do the “right” things then at some point in my 20s or 30s I will arrive “there” and then I am “grown up” and i’ll stay there. Does that not sound completely stupid? Of course we are always arriving, always learning, always growing, always changing…there is no glorious “grown up” place to arrive…that sounds like death anyways. Since I mentioned the apartment I’ll share a parallel — since I moved into my apartment last August I kept thinking that we had to find the “right” arrangement for all the furniture and THEN I could relax and focus on my work and my social life etc. it took 7months to realize but the apartment is never “done”. It’s continuously unfolding, just like our lives. No matter how “done” it feels, there will always come a time where the layout feels stale, or a piece of furniture feels wrong, and then we adjust it, and the “apartment” is reborn again. And one day we’ll move out anyways. I’ve realized that the art project of my apartment has had many lives, just as I have, in my 7 months of living here. There is No arrival. Only continual rebirth. At this particular moment, for me, this particular realization has the flavor of freedom. #skater #writer #artist