This quote also makes me thing of the quote by Henry David Thoreau, where he said: “What you get by achieving your goals is not as important as what you become by achieving your goals.” If you take a personal growth orientation to your life, it almost doesn’t make sense to use the language of “succeeding” and “failing.” Because often what we perceive as our “failures” end up becoming the things that catlyze unforeseen growth, perspective, and “success.” Aside from the goal we might be working toward, these “failures” may inspire courage, perspective, humility, positive self-talk, acceptance, patience, and even deeper conversations with yourself about why you’re working toward something in the first place and whether or not that inspiration is coming from YOU or from SOMEONE ELSE (i.e. maybe you’ve been working toward something because you felt pressured from family or society). All of these things and more can arise from moments of perceived failure. In fact, it’s quite possible that we may never reach the initial goal we set out to attain AND YET we succeeded and grew more than we could possibly imagine (I know that’s true for me with many things that I’ve pursued and failed to attain in my life). So, the point is: If you’re working toward a goal, setbacks are inevitable. Let them be a reminder that you’re growing and working toward something meaningful. And also remember that who you become in your pursuit of “success” is often much more meaningful and rewarding than the endpoint itself. Big love.

There are 3 main things happening in any given moment: 1.) Our experience 2.) Our awareness of our experience 3.) The story we tell ourselves about our experience Recognizing these 3 layers is crucial for living a more intentional and peaceful life. Here’s how to do it: Our experience can be anything we perceive through our 5 senses or in our minds. I smell smoke. I see a red rose. I notice I’m angry. I feel tension in my shoulders. I’m thinking about my childhood. Pretty straightforward. Awareness is the part of us that knows what is happening as it’s happening (which we talked about in this video) Your awareness of your fear is not fearful. Your awareness of your pain is not in pain. And your awareness of your thoughts is not thinking. For instance: Try thinking the thought “I love jelly beans” ten times in a row. As you do, notice the part of you that is watching you recite the thought “I love jelly beans.” Pause to try it out (eyes closed or open). Do you see that there is some deeper awareness that just KNOWS you’re thinking? That’s awareness. Between our experience, and our awareness of our experience, there is a STORY we tell ourselves about what’s happening. We see a dog (experience), we know we see a dog (awareness), and we think dogs are cute (story). We’re sad (experience), we know we’re sad (awareness), and we believe sadness is weak (story). Most of us are not living in our experience. We’re living in our STORY of our experience. Check out this haiku by the poet Matsuo Basho: The old pond. A frog jumps in. Plop. No hyperbole, no exaggeration, no added story. Just the direct experience. The story we add to our experience is what conditions stress. When we view our experience in its most basic form, we often see that it’s less of a catastrophe than our mind is making it out to be. So, when going through an activating event, break it down into these 3 layers: 1.) What’s my direct experience? 2.) Can I sense my awareness of this experience? 3.) What is the story I’m telling about this experience? Then ask: Can I soften my grip on the story & meet this moment in its most simple form? Of course, sometimes the story of your life might be useful: "I'm a great mother," "My life will get better," "I'm doing great." You can use story to your advantage - to feel more positive, to help motivate you, to keep you accountable —but my encouragement is to hold it lightly. As soon as we attach ourselves and our identity to a story, it locks us into an expectation for how things should be. When we hold our lives to some predetermined plan, we're no longer responding in the aliveness of the moment; rather, to past ideas about how things should be. Sometimes those past ideas are important reminders of what our values are, and other times they may be outdated or limited, keeping us bound to a way of being that is no longer true to who we're becoming. When we let go of how things should go, we get to respond in real time, inspired by what feels true and right in this moment, enabling us to adapt, grow, and move fluidly through our moments like water.

How to cultivate Mudita

It’s also possible that even when you are authentic, and another person is too, that your personality structures just don’t mesh. So just because someone doesn’t jive with you, be careful not to immediately project the discomfort of that as a story about their inauthenticity. With that said, it does still seem to be the case that the frequency of authenticity can be felt by others. And even if your personality structure doesn’t mesh with another person, there’s a good chance you’ll have mutual respect for each living in a truer way. Big love.

Anger feels like a more empowered form of suffering than sadness, which is why we can stay stuck in it for so long. It also turns our attention outward instead of inward, creating another buffer against the underlying pain. When you’re angry, your energy is directed toward the other person and what they did to you. When you’re sad, you’re energy is directed toward your internal experience and the impact they had on you. This is why moving past anger can be so hard. It requires you to bring your attention closer to yourself and feel the hurt under the rage. Of course, you may need to move through many cycles of anger before you’re ready to soften into sadness. That’s okay. Give space for your timeline. And also remember, we’re not moving past anger so we can just wallow in our sadness (although we may need some space for that, too). The point is to meet the sadness/hurt/betrayal from the grounded, compassionate, and loving part of you so that we can facilitate healing and release. Unfortunately, it just so happens we can’t get to that healing and release through anger. So that’s why we have to feel the sadness. To meet the sadness from this loving place in yourself, you might take some time to close your eyes in stillness or go for a walk, and try reciting the following lines to yourself (or some version that is similar): “I know this hurts. Let’s just surf the waves of the pain together. Every time we feel ourself want to tighten back into anger, we’re just going to soften again. It’s hard, but you’ve got this. Remember, you are not the sadness. It’s just an experience moving through you. Continue to breathe, feel your connection to your heart, and trust that you are growing into a stronger, more loving version of yourself because of this.” Big love, Cory #healingjourney #lettinggo #angerissues #mindfulness #movingon #personalgrowth